Codependence Patterns & Characteristics

Denial Patterns:

• I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
• I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
• I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:

• I have difficulty making decisions.
• I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never “good enough.”
• I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
• I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
• I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
• I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

Compliance Patterns:

• I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others’ anger.
• I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
• I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
• I value others’ opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
• I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
• I accept sex when I want love.

Control Patterns:

• I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
• I attempt to convince others of what they “should” think and how they “truly” feel.
• I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
• I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
• I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
• I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
• I have to be “needed” in order to have a relationship with others.

© Co-Dependents Anonymous

Few codependents exhibt all of the characteristics and patterns.  Codependency may be present even if only a few are present in a man’s life.  Take the Codependency Self-Assessment at the top of the home page to get a clearer idea if you are codependent or not.

Generally, codependents lean toward controlling behavior or compliant behavior.  This may vary though.  Some men are controlling in some relationships and then compliant in others.  Many who are controlling can be very successful at their work where being in control is valued, but struggle in their personal life when they apply the same behavior to non-work relationships.